Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize