something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
