I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
