You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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