dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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