im having a threesome with these popsicles
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Houston, we have a blender
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You ate ashes out of my bong
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
