My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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