ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
