Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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