I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
