were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
