I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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