I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just gargled with NyQuil
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
