a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
