Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
