just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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