The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
