vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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