you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
