What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
