it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
