We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
