I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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