I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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