you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
