so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
