Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
