My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
being pregnant is like rehab
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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