I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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