I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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