When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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