You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
