there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
