We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
