sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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