so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
