i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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