just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
