your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
