woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
