Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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