She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
