you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
