well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
