When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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