what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
