a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize