you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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