yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
