i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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