you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
