Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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