absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize