girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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