Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
