I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
