I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
