Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
