Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
