Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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