As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
