Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
