I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize