I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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