I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
