Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize