Porn is love you can see.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
