I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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