I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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