Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
