4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
