On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
