I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
