Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
