i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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