Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
