): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize