so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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