Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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