I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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