Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize