Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods

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(678): View more from Georgia

He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

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(409): View more from Texas

You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.

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(631): View more from New York

I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning

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