it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
